


But Now I Don't Know Who You Are

by deNOrthernLIGHTs



Series: If You Keep Building These Walls... [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Hurt, Hurt Magnus Bane, I swear I'll write a happy resolution for this eventually, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, MagnusxOC, POV Alec Lightwood, Post-Episode: s02e18 Awake Arise Or Be Forever Fallen, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Worried Alec Lightwood, but right now it's just a lot of angst, emotionally, just a little bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 19:12:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11698101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deNOrthernLIGHTs/pseuds/deNOrthernLIGHTs
Summary: Post 2x18. No more getting heartbroken, Magnus is rebuilding his walls. Permanently. And then Alec walks into his club.Aka Magnus spirals and Alec is worried.Title from "Concrete Angel" by Christina Novelli.





	But Now I Don't Know Who You Are

**Author's Note:**

> So this is now a series, which I was sort of planing on from the start. This can be read alone, but I recommend reading the previous one first to understand Magnus's headspace better here. Hope you enjoy.

It had been two weeks. Two long, torturous weeks without Magnus and Alec felt like he was about to lose his mind. It was the longest they’d been apart since first meeting.

Alec leaned back in his chair and sighed deeply. With his thoughts constantly drifting to Magnus, he was getting absolutely no work done. He knew from Luke that Magnus turned down the Seelie Queen’s offer, which inspired some hope, but he hasn’t managed to contact Magnus _himself_. And Alec had tried. Too much, probably.

He glanced at his phone, not surprised to see no new alerts.

Feeling frustrated, Alec stormed out of his office. He went out into the street and stopped, unsure. Something deep-rooted in his chest wanted to head towards Brooklyn, but what could he do? He’d called, texted and even knocked on Magnus’s door, but all attempts have been ignored.

He started walking mindlessly instead.

Alec felt like a fool - clingy and desperate. It made the old insecurities resurface, the ones that told him he he’d never be good enough… and that he was damaged. Somehow it was harder to silence them than before.

Relationships… ended - by the Angel, it was hard to even think that – it was normal. You were supposed to suffer a bit and then move on, find someone else. But Alec felt sick just thinking about it. He couldn’t see himself getting over this, not in a week, or a month, not _ever_. But perhaps Magnus didn’t feel the same?

Of course he didn’t. He wouldn’t have broken up with him if he did. Clearly Alec was expendable, something that could be mourned and forgotten, like the seventeen thousand people before him.

Alright, that was bitter. But he was allowed to be bitter, okay?

Alec stopped in front of Pandemonium and blinked in confusion. Well that happened. He really hadn’t been paying attention to his surroundings. Alec hesitated before slipping inside.

The club was already open, but something was different. The music was loud and angry and even the décor seemed darker, or maybe bleaker. He moved through the crowd, eyes already seeking out Magnus, but all he found were various downworlders.

Alec cursed under his breath silently. Now he was a stalker. What next? Hiding behind the bushes? He was just about to leave when his eyes caught a familiar sparkling jacket. Magnus.

Magus was leaning against the far wall. He appeared to be speaking to someone, a client, perhaps?

Alec couldn’t tear his eyes away.

Magnus was even more sparkly than usual, his hair spiked and with purple strands. Even from afar Alec could tell he was wearing heavy make-up. But it wasn’t that that made Alec’s heart clench painfully, no, it was the tense posture, the obvious weight loss, the way Magnus held himself. It was the most guarded Alec had ever seen him.

Unable to help himself, Alec used his Shadowhunter skills to sneak closer. He still couldn’t hear the conversation through the music, but now he could see the frown on Magnus’s face, the empty look in his eyes. Alec activated his hearing rune-

“I already told you no!”

Alec flinched.

“B-but I…” The man swallowed, clearly as taken aback as Alec. “Warlock Bane, I beg for your help. I will pay whatever needs to be paid.”

“I don’t have time for this. And I don’t need your money. Find another warlock.” Magnus’s voice was uncharacteristically sharp and Alec scrambled to hide behind a dancing couple when Magnus strolled away from the man.

Magnus stopped by a female seelie, who appeared to have been waiting for him. She touched Magnus’s shoulder and Magnus leaned forward, whispering something in her ear. The seelie giggled and leaned even closer, practically wrapping herself around Magnus, who seemed to return the gesture.

Alec felt sick, and angry and foolish. Magnus had been all he could think of for the past two weeks, and here he was, already moving on. He had to get out of there.

Magnus stroked his hands over the seelie’s back and Alec was just about ready to bolt, when Magnus’s hands faltered and shook. He clenched and unclenched them, as if bracing himself for something, before he kissed the woman on the lips.

Suddenly, Alec thought about Jace, when he had thought his world was crashing down, spiraling and throwing himself in bed with women, with seelies. Desperately trying to get over Clary.

Alec knew Magnus and this wasn’t Magnus. It didn’t even seem like he was really enjoying the seelie’s affections, just forcing himself to go along with it. Alec couldn’t shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong, so he swallowed his pride and stepped forward. After all, Magnus had always told him to follow his gut.

“Magnus?” Alec said quietly.

Magnus wrenched himself from the seelie as if burned and gaped at Alec.

“Who’s this, darling?” The woman asked sweetly.

Magnus blinked. “Why don’t you wait for me in my office?” His tone was hard and the seelie left with a shrug.

For a moment they both stared at each other. Alec was once again taken aback by how thin Magnus looked.

“Alec.” He sounded tired. Alec winced at the use of his shortened name.

“You never called me back.” Alec blurted out. “I called you so many times and you never called me back.”

Magnus looked surprised. “You came all this way, just to ask why I haven’t called you?”

“I…” He swallowed. “I was worried.” He admitted.

Magnus’s eyes softened and Alec wondered whenever he was going to reach out like he usually did when Alec surprised him. But then he frowned and shook his head.

“I’m fine. You shouldn’t have come here.”

Alec’s heart dropped. “Magnus” He whispered, stepping closer.

Magnus stepped away. “Don’t.” His eyes were hard. “It’s over, Alec.” He hesitated and Alec got the sudden feeling that whatever Magnus would say next would hurt. “I don’t want to see you again. _Move on_.”

Alec felt like he’d been slapped. “Mag-“

But Magnus was already walking away, heading towards his office, where the seelie was waiting.

Alec stared after him, blinking away tears, just like the last time he’d watched Magnus walking away.

…

Magnus walked into the hallway where he was no longer in sight, but instead of entering his office he leaned against the wall heavily and closed his eyes, willing the tears not to spill.

**Author's Note:**

> So I was actually planning on adding some comfort in here too, but somehow it turned into full out angst again *sighs*, oh well. I promise I'll write comfort in this series too eventually. Well comments/kudos and the other stuff always puts a smile on my face and inspires me to keep writing :)


End file.
